When the dobe strikes back!
by ShihodoTennyo
Summary: UkeNaru bashing. Sorry, ppl but one can have enough of wimpy UkeNaru before they decided they have to write something. I don't intend to bash all UkeNaru ffs, I mean it for the really horribly OOC ones! NaruSasu. Power and love to the SemeNaru!
1. No more deformation of my poor organs!

Disclaimer: If this poor writer owned Naruto, Sasuke wouldn't have those shitty ugly wings in his CS2 mode. Too bad, I do not. Naruto belong to Kishimoto Masashi.

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Uzumaki Naruto, the loud and obnoxious blond bundle, no.1 clumsy ninja of the Leaf, woke up with a start. He had just had the worst nightmare of his life. He lay frozen in place for fully ten minutes before jumping out of his bed toward the bathroom. And when he saw his reflection in the mirror, he was almost breaking into tears of joy. He was still Uzumaki Naruto: the short, (okay, he admitted he was short) strong blond with well-developed muscles and three whiskers on the either side of his boyish face and moreover, his hands were still from training. Naruto shuddered when he thought about the horrid dream he had just woken up from. Every single life form that was granted by the Lord to have a head between their legs were all after him for no good reason and here he thought he was hated by almost everyone in the village for crying out loud!

Those males that suddenly turned gay over night were running – chasing him with lust shining in their eyes. They said they wanted his virginity. What the fuck! He shuddered even more as he recalled himself being pinned to a wall which seemed to appear out of nowhere by one familiar face of a stoic bastard that he used to think was asexual despite the bastard more-than-once claiming he wanted to reproduce, namely Uchiha Sasuke except for that this Uchiha Sasuke was giving him a very horny look and what was worse was that he, Uzumaki Naruto couldn't fight that bastard off because for some unknown miracles in the entire world, his strong and well-trained tanned arms suddenly turned slender and weak as hell against that bastard's grab. And Naruto all of a sudden found his legs turning into sloppy jelly as he met the bastard's love-filled onyx orbs - the love that one pink-haired Haruno Sakura would die trying just to have it directing towards her.

Naruto didn't get it why Sasuke suddenly grow taller. Okay, he admitted he was short – even shorter than Sakura-chan but the height difference shouldn't be this much. "I've never seen anyone this beautiful before in my entire life, Naruto." At first Naruto was wondering if the infamous village's pretty boy was sick or drugged or hit by something very hard over the head because he didn't know the pale bastard was capable of saying those words. Heck, he didn't even call him those insulting nicknames. But Naruto was too shock himself to help send Sasuke to the hospital. That and the fact that he couldn't run thanks to his wobbly jelly legs. "I have been in love with you long enough, Naruto. I don't care if I will be the last of Uchiha clan. Let's shag and get married and have dozens of little Naruto's and Sasuke's running around." And then Sasuke went on and on with his love rant. Just when he was about to be brutally raped by one horny Uchiha, Hyuuga Neji appeared and save the day.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Uchiha, but fate has destined that Naruto's mine." Hyuuga Neji said and wrapped an arm around his suddenly-gone slender waist and Naruto was on the verge of screaming senseless at the illogical deformation of his poor body organs. But he didn't have time to because Gaara of the desert suddenly appear and claimed that he was his but not before Itachi that came to break Sasuke's wrist and say that the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki was to be his personal bitch but not before Kakashi-sensei poofed out of nowhere and challenged him but not before Orochimaru who Naruto was kind of certain had said he was just a nuisance for him obtaining Sasuke's beautiful body showed himself on the head on his giant snake and threatened to destroy the hidden village of the Leaf if they didn't hand over Uzumaki Naruto. Yet Ero-sennin gallantly entered and summoned Gamabunta, claiming that he would protect his beloved from the sex-crazed MJ clone. Luckily, before the gruesome and illogical event could continue and scar him for life and afterlife, Naruto woke up, drenching in his own sweats.

Naruto checked himself over and over thoroughly. This was him. This face, this eyes, this nose, these lips, these hands, these legs, this body - everything was him again. What he had seen all was just a nightmare. He sighed in great relief and quickly went into the shower to let the cold spray wash the pictures away and return him the usual morning.

Hatake Kakashi was late again. "What kind of a teacher is he?" Naruto and Sakura complained while Sasuke just stood there, acting all silent and cool. Naruto could see how Sakura's eyes seemed to twinkle as she looked at the silent bastard and wondered if his dream had become real, what she would think of it – not to mention what she would do. She might harm him and he was sure he would hurt like bad since in the dream he was all slender and delicate like a small helpless girl waiting to be molested and although Sakura was also a girl, she was also a shinobi. And then there was Ino who was also crazy in love with Sasuke. Naruto had never understood those girls. They said they like boys but when he decided to have a good look at Sasuke, he was starting to get the idea that those girls were all lesbians. Why? Just look at the bastard.

While all those girls flocked after him, worshipping him like some kind of angel walking on earth, they seemed to fail to notice that their ice prince of an idol looked an awful lot like a girl. Just give him long straight hair instead of his spiky one and boobs and they will all see that they should be after a real boy like him instead of some babe in a guy's clothes. Wait! Did he just call that bastard a babe?

"What are you staring at?" The said babe – bastard looked at him with cold onyx orbs that were very different from the lusty ones he had dreamt of last night. A wide grin then spread across the village prankster's lips when an interesting idea occurred in his brain. "You, my beautiful babe." As a habit of proving himself, he, Uzumaki Naruto would show everyone, who really was the man.

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Naruto: You're making me into a pimp, aren't you?

Me: No, I am not. You're too pessimistic, Naru-kun.

Naruto: Oh yeah… like hell I believe you.

Me: Aww. Don't be like that you're making my heart ache.

Naruto: Then don't make a pimp out of me.

Me: …Sorry. Cannot do. That or an ultimate uke.

Naruto: You're kidding me, right?

Me: No. I'm giving you a choice.

Naruto: Then why does it have to be Sasuke?

Me: You know you love him, my dear Naru-kun as much as I love you! XD

Naruto: You're unbelievable. grumble

Me: Now will you shut up and go on with the rest of the script already?

Naruto: sigh The idiotic authoress wants her readers to review because if they don't she will do something horrible to me such as – Yike!


	2. First Strike: I am on top dattebayo!

Disclaimers: If this poor authoress owned Naruto, Rock Lee would be able to use Edo Tensei but since he can't perform any ninjutsu except taijutsu, you see Kishimoto Masashi owned Naruto.

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Me: OMG! Look, Naru-kun, we've got some reviews! squeal 

Naruto: Phew. Those reviewers really save me from your homicidal side. I cannot thank them more.

Me: blink Excuse me. What did you say, Naru-kun?

Naruto: jump I say… Uh! Let's begin replying them!

Me: Yes, yes, yes! You're right, Naru-kun! I wuv wuv wuv you! glomp

Naruto: Eeek!

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Reply to the reviews: 

Blisblop – Yay! You're my first reviewer! Congratulation… Wait! I should have said thank you. Okay, thank you, girl/guy whichever you are.

Kataru – LOL! Yes, my Naru-kun is the man! He maybe cute but he is no sissy! Let show'em who's the seme! Woohoo! (Plus, Sasuke-kun has the word UKE in his name. That speaks for something.)

UnOrthodox – I know, my friend. Wimpy UkeNaru's are horrible. T-T

cfox – Yes, there should be more SemeNaru ffs. SemeNaru needs more love!

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Me: In the last chapter we left off with Naru-kun calling Sasuke-kun a babe, what will his reaction be? I bet Naru-kun here is dying to know as much as you! 

Naruto: mumble You're making me into a major laughing stock.

Me: blink What did you say, Naru-kun?

Naruto: I – uh- nothing, Shihodo-chan!

Me: Okay then, let's see how Sasuke-kun will react!

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Uchiha Sasuke's cold onyx orbs widened clearly-visibly and then they narrowed down into their dangerously coldly pissed off mode. "What did you say, dobe?" He asked Naruto in a threatening low voice but Naruto just didn't lose that big grin on his lips but grinned even wider, knowing that the delicious fish had fallen for his little but alluring-enough bait. He let his grin plaster there on his lips without saying anything for a while just to add the annoying effect and then repeated his four magical words. "You, my beautiful babe." Now all he had to do was to wait for the magic to work its wonderful trick which didn't disappoint him because he could see how the usual cool-keeping Uchiha Sasuke was more-than-just-slowly losing his temper as those words accurately hit his nerve and the bastard couldn't let the Uchiha pride be insulted like that, especially by the so-called dobe of their academy year. 

Sasuke scowled deeply and Naruto didn't fail to notice how he had his pale hand already fisted when the bastard said again in a voice that sounded almost like a hiss. "Say that again, dobe and you'll see what it really meant." Naruto had already prepared himself for it and didn't fear to speak the word again but Sakura intervened first. "Sasuke-kun, just ignore him. Naruto is just spouting nonsense as usual. Maybe we should go on a date after the mission so that you will forget about his idiocy. What do you think?" Hearts were spinning around her pink head, making everything all illy pinkishly sweet but as usual, Sasuke just snorted and pushed her aside and took a few steps toward Naruto who was still grinning, enjoying the situation. "You've just asked me to say it again? Which part do you want? Beautiful or babe?"

And then Sasuke snapped. He threw a fist at the grinning Naruto who instead of dodging, threw himself towards the flying fist and received fully the wrath of the Uchiha but that was because he knew he had the ultra fast super healing ability of the almighty Kyuubi™ and proceeded to go on with tacking Sasuke with his weight, making the other boy go off balance therefore they both fell to the ground with a screech of "Sasuke-kun!" from Sakura. Naruto played being a deaf ear on her and sat up in the position of straddling Sasuke's waist and wiped his own face, not losing the grin that seemed to stick there perpetually. "You hit like a girl." That earned a grunt from the boy beneath him who began to set himself free or at least switching their position since it really hit his nerve being dominated by someone he thought was inferior to him. Of course, Naruto wouldn't let him do either of that. He knew that it wouldn't take long before Sasuke could eventually break free from him. He didn't doubt the other boy's strength but he had other plan than keeping him in place with just brute force.

Naruto bent his head down close to Sasuke – this was the right time he put what he had learnt from Ero-sennin's special Icha Icha edition © to use. Naruto sneaked his hand under the struggling boy's blue shirt, searching for something that would send the other boy off guard. It worked. Sasuke stopped struggling and lay frozen in place with those onyx orbs as wide as a saucer pan and while Sakura was still screeching "Sasuke-kun!" uselessly in the background, Naruto couldn't feel any more pleased. He then went on with his evil plan and fended to be very, very, very surprise. "Oh my god! Sasuke! You really are a boy!" Sasuke's Uchiha pride must be very, very insulted that in spite of his state of shock as hell, his hand shot up and held his neck in a tight grip, intending to strangle him away from the living world. But Naruto knew better than just waiting to confront Lord Hades and quickly reacted. He tweaked that something his fingers had taken hold of under Sasuke's blue shirt and was granted with an immediate effect.

Sasuke suddenly gasped and let go of his poor neck and although Uzumaki Naruto was only about to turn thirteen years old, his cheekiness had gone far beyond any refine adult could imagine having teachers like Kakashi and Jiraiya, so for children his age, especially one bent on nothing but training to get stronger to kill one's blood-related brother was out of the question. Sasuke may have the usual teen hormone, may know the basic concept of birds and bees but his knowledge was nothing compared to the uber ero-genius Uzumaki Naruto whom he was thinking was using some kind of unknown yet powerful technique on him, thus making him losing his strength and unable to easily free himself. Having that thought in mind, the number one rookie of the year decided that he would find out the secret of Naruto's incredibly strong new jutsu. He turned on the Sharingan and was stunned by the obvious truth: it wasn't any kind of genjutsu or ninjutsu but the use of his hand and fingers.

The Uchiha prodigy lay still in shock. If it wasn't genjutsu or ninjutsu then it would have to be taijutsu and he had managed to copy Rock Lee's taijutsu, even acquired his speed during one hell of a practice on the top of the mountain with Kakashi, all that and he was losing to Naruto's strange taijutsu that required only the movement of his fingers and no seal forming involved! That was absolutely outrageous! No, he wouldn't let the dobe surpass him like this. He couldn't let Naruto win like this! He had to obtain the power to defeat Itachi. He can't lose! Yet even with the burning determination and feeling of not wanting to lose, Sasuke couldn't stop the gasping noise he was making. The noise that was followed closely with something very close to a moan but of course, he wouldn't admit it. And not to forget but was already forgotten, Sakura was still standing there screaming "Sasuke-kun!" with tears brimming in her green eyes without doing anything else until one silver haired-Hatake Kakashi arrived with a usual casual wave of his hand. "Hi, guys. Sorry for being late but I've got lost on the way of life on the way here."

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Naruto: You're really making me into a pimp. And now Kakashi-sensei sees me. 

Me: You don't want him to? I thought you want to prove it to everyone that you're the top man. Now I know you just want to be the ultimate bottom…

Naruto: Hey, wait! I didn't say that!

Me: So you're fine with him seeing you now?

Naruto: No... Yes… No… Okay, I mean yes!

Me: Good. Good. And what he would react – whether Naru-kun here will be punished or not we will all see it in the next part! Now on with your script, Naru-kun!

Naruto: That wench over there wants her readers to review because if they don't, she will take away my ramen. Feh! Stupid woman!

Me: hit him over the head with a fan Baka Naru-kun! You aren't Inuyasha!


End file.
